Being Antisocial(Introverted) in a Social World
An antisocial person, one who does not enjoy small talk, big crowds, and socializing. This person likes to spend time with themselves. They observe and listen.
Small talk, the polite chit-chat at the beginning of a conversation that does not have to do with the actual conversation. Examples include talking about the weather, asking how a person is how their day was. Antisocial people or introverts do not like small talk, they like to get to the main topic at hand. According to Introvert in business, “Introverts prefer a deeper conversation, with a meaningful outcome, which includes relevant details.” An interesting and detailed conversation they can look back at and take information from. They want to get to know a person on a deeper level.
Introverts don’t like small talk because to them it’s boring and has no point. Small talk doesn’t reveal anything important about a person. It’s hard to get to know someone if all you know about them is they are “good” and had a good day. Or talking about noticeable things like the weather.
Small talk does not come easy to introverts as they need time to process their thoughts and plan what they are going to say. As opposed to extroverts, who say what’s on their mind immediately or they process their thoughts by talking.
Introverts do enjoy talking about the hobbies they are passionate about, such as TV shows or movies, comics, writing, drawing, books, or music.
Why don’t introverts like big crowds? Is it because of the anxiety of being surrounded by a mass of people they don’t know? It can be overwhelming to see all these new people talking, discussing, and moving around. It’s overstimulating and anxiety striking. According to Introvert, Dear, “Big crowds may isolate introverts in a way they don’t enjoy or gain energy from.” They may seclude themselves from the crowd and lose all their social energy. Introverts regain energy from alone time.
Writing can be good for introverts, but are all writers introverts or antisocial people? No, but it takes a certain type of person to write for hours and create whole worlds in their head. According to Introvert, Dear, “writing allows introverts to share their unique insights, ideas, and observations with others — something we don’t get to do in a casual conversation about the weather.” Writing lets introverts get out all their thoughts and theories on paper or word document. Talking about the weather can not do that. They take in and observe the details of everything that is happening around them. This is necessary when writing a scene’s setting or character dialogue.
Writers need to be creative and introverts have a big imagination. They think inwardly and are stuck inside their heads.
Introverts are empathic, they can easily put themselves in others’ shoes, so they can write about characters that are experiencing similar situations or not. They can write about a war vet without being in a war or write about a famous singer without actually singing on a stage.
As previously stated, introverts hate small talk and so do writers as it is unnecessary to write small talk in dialogue. It gets tedious and doesn’t get to the point. Writing small talk and unnecessary information will just make the book longer and harder to read. Writing and introversion go hand in hand.
Introverts and antisocial people don’t have many friends or not at all because it’s hard for them to open up to many people. They may even cut ties or cut people out of their lives. They block people on social media or block their phone numbers. They cut ties more often because they are “compassionate and empathic…They trust people and they always give everyone the benefit of the doubt….when someone stomps on it and betrays them, they do not give second chances.” They trust people and let them in, but when the person becomes socially draining or abusive they cut them out. They might limit their interactions or contact with the person, limiting them to just texting.
It’s similar in introvert romantic relationships, they may choose a person similar to them, introverted, or go out of their comfort zone and pick an extrovert. But, if their partner is abusive or draining, they cut all contact with them and no longer spend time with them.
With friends, introverts choose people who are similar to them, introverts or extroverts pick them and talk to them.
It may be hard for introverts or antisocial people to prepare for interviews as their anxiety may get the best of them. They either don’t know how to prepare or don’t what to prepare for.
During the interview, they come off as reserved and cautious, which is bad for a first impression. According to an article on LinkedIn by Barry Deutsch, “It takes them a little while to warm up to someone new…Many times the hiring mistake of first impressions knocks introverts out of the ring in the first few minutes of the interview.” Hiring managers will choose extroverts over introverts because they are easy to talk to and interact with.
Hiring managers are looking for quick and well-formed answers, not short, took too long to think of answers. Hiring managers don’t like long pauses or a long silence, they want immediate answers.
Great outlets or hobbies for introverts to relieve stress after a long day filled with talking and socializing are writing, drawing, or creating or listening to music. Writing can let out their emotions and thoughts on paper or a computer through writing about a character going through a similar situation. This can help process their emotions and thoughts. Drawing is similar as they can draw anything and put work into it and feel satisfied. Sometimes immersing in one’s work can distract a person from reality. Writing or making music can help an introvert write out their feelings through song. Or write about something else to distract them. Listening to music can put an introvert in a better mood when listening to poppy or high tempo-ed music.
Social media is easier for introverts or antisocial people than talking to people in person. There still may be small talk, but they can have longer conversations via messenger or comments. They can also be anonymous online and share their feelings without revealing who they are.
They can communicate any time, anywhere.
Social media allows introverts to type out their well-thought-out ideas on their time.
Introverts may not be perfect, but they are better writers and want to get to know a person deeply. They need their quiet and alone time to recharge. But they can still thrive in small groups or one-on-one conversations. Get out there(or don’t), be creative, be an introvert.
Bibliography
https://introvertinbusiness.co.uk/quietly-successful/why-introverts-dont-like-small-talk/
https://introvertdear.com/news/anxious-introverts-fears/
https://www.writerswrite.co.za/7-reasons-why-introverts-are-good-writers/
https://www.writerswrite.co.za/7-reasons-why-introverts-are-good-writers/
https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-door-slam-things-you-should-know/
